Donovan Dawson: Editor-in-Chief, has the largest penis in the whole building.
Lana Smithee: This is actually the army of wageslaves that work for me, Donovan. That way they can protect their useless reputation while writing all sorts of idiotic click bait.
Kim LaVallete: The only one with dignity, needs to grow a pair.
Kris: He used to be a pizza delivery boy, now works on server maintenance for us and occasionally writes some stuff. I don’t know his last name, stop asking.