Welcome back to “People of Glitch City”, where we ask random questions to people from across our beloved city in order to show just how diverse our population can be.
Today, we visited a bar in the Neon District called VA-11 Hall-A, or “Valhalla” for short. It’s served by its manager and two bartender. All of which we’ll get to know today.
Please tell us your name.
I’m Dana Zane.
Age?
Forever 17!
Birthday?
May 31st
Occupation?
Corporate mascot, wrestler, MMA champion, retired chimney cleaner, plumber, grilling expert, cuteness scholar, anime critic, beta tester…
CURRENT occupation, in this bar.
Oh… I’m the owner. Although the papers list me as “Manager”. I’m also the bouncer of sorts if it comes to it.
Level of education?
Good enough.
Hobbies?
Video games, anime, wrestling… if something combines those three I wanna be the first one to know.
What do you like?
Justice! And cute things… and cute justice!
What do you dislike?
People thinking they’re above anyone. I also dislike that thing where sauces, juice or other beverages sit at the bottom of the glass while all the water stays on top. All of the thing I just said came together in one messy barbecue party.
Incidentally, I’m not allowed to go to the Babylon Country Club ever again.
Favorite music?
I have a soft spot for old anime intro songs, particularly the ones singing about the hero. There’s also lots of Eurobeat and Disco in my library.
Any message for the readers?
VICTORY GOES TO THOSE WITH COURAGE!!
Now, for our final question: What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
African or European?
Please tell us your name.
Is this a legal document?
No
My name’s Gillian then. But you can call me Gil.
Age?
32? I know I’m older than 29 and younger than 34, but… I don’t know much else.
Birthday?
I always pick March 11th.
Occupation?
Bartender. I also clean the place, but that’s more of a personal initiative.
Level of education?
None whatsoever.
Hobbies?
I like parkour and cleaning. Mixing the two is quite the thrill.
What do you like?
Calmness and feeling useful. Although I have a soft spot for the color pink. I look dreadful in pink though.
What do you dislike?
Bell pepper.
Bell pepper?
It’s nasty, it’s like the unwanted kid of spicy food that refused to follow the family’s legacy. It’s also annoying how hollow they actually are.
I also dislike corn cobs. I like corn, but the cob makes it feel like the most wasteful food ever.
Favorite music?
A bit of Jazz and a bit of Reggae. My library consists mostly of old advertising jingles. The period between 2040 and 2060 in particular is amazing.
Any message for the readers?
If you ever come by the Neon District, come by the bar and we’ll treat you nicely.
Wait… that sounded like we’re gonna beat them up or something. Let me try again.
If you-…
Now, for our final question: If a man kills another man on the moon and nobody is there to hear it, just how fucked up is that?
…ever come..
Eh?
Please tell us your name.
Jill.
Jill… what?
Jill, no more, no less.
What is Jill short for?
Why does it have to be a short for something? Also, if i’m introducing myself just as Jill, I doubt I want to tell you my full name.
Age?
27
Birthday?
June 27th
Occupation?
Twenty se-…
…
Bartender. I’m a Bartender
Level of education?
Master’s degree in chemistry.
Is the chemistry degree required to be a bartender?
No, it’s just a nice coincidence.
Hobbies?
Drinking, I guess. Buying stuff? Nothing comes to mind really.
What do you like?
Cats. Well, I like MY cat. I don’t know about others, but Fore is so docile, and fluffy, and cute, and fluffy, and I actually managed to teach him how to use the toilet. He also likes fresh water, so he learned how to open the bathroom’s sink, but he doesn’t know how to close it, so I’ve woken up to running water and a huge water bill. I’ve had to-…
What do you dislike?
…when people interrupt me mid-sentence for fuck’s sake! You’re supposed to be here for an interview! If you deem something too long you can just edit it, but don’t cut me so rudely!
*ahem* I also dislike Durian and Casu Marzu
Casu Marwhat?
It’s a kind of cheese of questionable legality that, not only is fermented, but it’s also filled with live maggots that further decompose it.
My grandpa loved the thing and he got a whole wheel of it when I was younger. Not only does it taste criminally strong, but the sight of a wheel of cheese being opened and having all of those… critters inside scarred me and made me reticent to eating anything cheese-related until I was 15 or so.
Favorite music?
I don’t any particular taste. But I guess songs with no lyrics are the norm. I like to hear music at work, and I don’t want to forget a drink because I’m too busy singing the lyrics under my breath.
Any message for the readers?
Um… drink responsibly, don’t drink and drive and enjoy all things in moderation. Don’t blame your bartenders unless they put weird stuff in your drinks.
I mean, I’ve had enough people coming here blaming me for their alcohol problems. What do I know if they have issues with alcohol? It’s not like I read minds, it’s also not like I went to them like a drug dealer offering them drinks. They come here, I have no prior knowledge of their medical history and they ask for drinks at their own discretion. Do I tell them they need to stop? Yes, but I also need to tend this thing and serve drinks, and if they have money, what do I do?
Fucking asshats all of them. I try to help run a clean business, where nobody touches the drink after it’s served except the client, reporting anyone that tries or suggests adding drugs to a drink, but all of that doesn’t stop those dogfuckers of coming here and spending precious time yelling at me for serving them drinks. FOR DOING MY FUCKING JOB!
Didn’t any of those people find religion and think “Hey, maybe I should apologize to the poor bartender I yelled at unjustly”.
*ahem* Sorry about that.
Now, for our final question: What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
…*sigh* around 50-65 km/h